Of Two Minds
by Kamouraskan
Summary: Just a small mindfart. A conversation between two aspects of Xena's mind about what she really thought of Gabrielle in the early years. Or perhaps I thought Xena deserved revenge for 'Spider'


**Disclaimer: ****This was a private joke/bet between friends that was supposed to be a private joke. Unfortunately the other person in the bet was a webmistress and this got posted. And some people liked it.**

RenPic doesn't know or want to know that I wrote this, but they do own the characters. It takes place after Altared States and contains spoilers for that episode. Apologies to the wonderful writer Gin, whose chats between the multiple personalities of Xena the Conqueror were clearly on my mind as I wrote this, I think I may have written this so that Xena can have some sort of revenge for my story, Spider. For those skeptical about the wolf potion. I refer to Farley Mowat's _Never Cry Wolf_.

**Of Two Minds**

**by **

**Kamouraskan**

She has to go.

_I'd be dead without her._

She'll die WITH us! Why is she here? We're Ares' Chosen! And we're letting this little girl lead us around! And look at the goofball way she's stomping around the fire, waving her arms...

_She's working out a story. Don't you think it's sorta..._

What? Cute? NO! And she NEVER shuts up.

_She is so...._

I know. Cute. Another reason to get rid of her.

_It isn't like I haven't tried..._

You call that trying? You want ME to try? Let her finally meet the warlord she writes about?

_YOU, you stay away from her_.

You are soooo whipped.

_I like her. Don't you think she's easy to like?_

What! She is the most irritating combination of innocence and... I don't know! And pushy! And.... She's driving me crazy!!!

**"Xena? You don't think those wolves are still out there, do you?"**

Say no! Say no!

**"Yes, Gabrielle, I'm pretty sure they are."**

They're not even dangerous to humans! Unless they're rabid and I didn't see any...

_SHUT UP!_

**"That was amazing what you did to stop them from coming in here. What's in that jar?"**

**"Um, family secret."**

**"The way the whole pack of wolves just stopped at the cave entrance right where you put it? They just sniffed it and backed off! Is it a potion? A magic potion stolen from a sorceress? From Apollo or Artemis? I can see it! The noble warrior tricks the Goddess...**

**"Gabrielle? Could we just rest? When morning comes, the wolves will have left, and we can leave the cave."**

**"But there's that stream just down the hill, and I was feeling a little grungy..."**

**"You smell fine."**

You sniffed her!

_So what?_

You got off on it!

**"'Cause... ah, Xena? I was hoping to clean up, maybe take a swim..."**

Oh yeah...

_What?_

You were thinking about her undressing…naked….

_What of it?_

We have GOT to get rid of her.

**"Gabrielle?"**

**"Yes, Xena?"**

**"Bed. Now."**

**"But...."**

**"Bed. Sleep. "**

**"Yes, Xena. Goodnight, Xena."**

**"Goodnight, Gabrielle."**

You're doing it again.

_What?_

You're thinking about when she climbed up us out of the well.

_Maybe..._

Maybe. Right. You were wishing she had crawled up your chest instead of your back, and then when we got to the top, she would have had to clamber over...

_I was not._

Uh huh. And you didn't get all warm and fuzzy when she said you were beautiful?

_I'm going to sleep._

We're gonna have dreams.

_Leave me alone._

Now you're thinking about when she ducked underwater when you were teaching her to fish.

_So?_

In your version, her hands don't grab the fish...

_Shut up. Oh oh…_

What?

_She's trying to fake being asleep. Now she's checking to see if we're out..._

What's she up to NOW?

_She's going to try to sneak out and go for a swim...._

Past ME? And what about the wolves? Ohhhh! Not if she has some of our 'magic' potion....

_Oh Gods. She wouldn't._

Oh yeah...chortle

_We really should stop her..._

Nope, too late. There she goes. She's got the vial.

_You'd think she'd have smelt it first._

Oh, this is good. Think she's using enough?

_Guess we should be glad she's going for a bath._

How much was left in the vial, anyways?

_I filled it._

That's right, we must have had a least three flagons of that ale.

_More than enough to fill that vial._

You and your classic 'family secret wolf repellent'.

_I guess we should follow her, make sure she doesn't get hurt._

You know... there's that outcropping. Near the stream. We could watch her from there...

_True... Wait. I thought you didn't like her?_

Can I help it if I like the way you feel when we look at her?

_Well, I guess we're decided. We go after her._

Might as well. We seem to have already marked her as our territory...


End file.
